I Swear, It's Just One Baby in There

First, let me say that I stopped suffering from body image issues a decade ago and thank God for it because if I was really sensitive, my neighbors would be driving me to do something drastic.  I've been pretty, I've been ugly;  I've been thin, I've been fat.  I have found that there are positives and negatives to both extremes and honestly, I don't spend much time thinking about what I look like these days.  That being said, having folks weigh in (pun intended) on my ever-expanding belly is getting old.  Really old.

I stepped out of the car and waved hello to my neighbor across the street who was talking to The Dog Lady.  Dog Lady is 1,000 years old if she's a day and her dogs look even older.  They walk the neighborhood, day and night.  Judging by her creaky walk and advanced age, she is high on the list of "leaving dog shit on my lawn" suspects.  I have never actually had a conversation with Dog Lady so I was pretty shocked when she called out, "Wow, look at you!  Is it twins?"  I must have looked stunned or angered when I said, "NO!!!"  because she rushed to add, "It's okay, I had twins and I was that enormous so that's why I asked."  Wait, it's okay...what's okay?  Her ignoring my twin denial and calling me enormous?  Trust me, that's definitely not okay.  Not by a long shot.  I shot her a scathing look, wheeled around and stormed into the house, resisting the urge to ask when she plans to lose the baby weight from her twins who are probably 40 years old.

Enormous.  That's just awesome.  So one neighbor thinks I'm a lazy, c-section-having bum and another thinks I'm Jabba the Hutt.  With neighbors like mine, I'd be better off living in the middle of nowhere.