WARNING: Maniacal Ranting to Follow

Don't tell me I'm close.  That's bullshit.  That's like saying Halloween is close to Christmas.  Who is hurriedly shopping for Christmas gifts at the end of October, frantic because the deadline is looming?  NOBODY, that's who.  Why?  Because 2 months away isn't close.  It's not in the distant future but it's certainly not imminent.  Stop lying to me.  It doesn't make me feel great to hear that you think I'm close.  It makes me want to punch you in the kidneys.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant today.  Definitely the latter stage of pregnancy but NOT at the finish line, not by a mile.  I've got 7+ more weeks of pelvic aches, swollen feet, celery stalks and sleepless nights that last forever to get through before I'm close.  Close will be...hmmm...I'm scheduled for 2/27; I'd say 2/20 is close.  1/5, most emphatically, is not.  Yet 2 people at the kids' school today asked me how far along I am and then dared to tell me how "close" I am.  They went through pregnancy -- Do they forget that the last 2 months feel longer than the entire rest of the pregnancy?  Seriously?

I am not fucking close.  If Sheemee was born now, she'd need major care and a long hospital stay.  Trust me, I had a baby at 32 weeks and I saw how far from ready a baby born this "close to the end" is.  He didn't have eyebrows, eyelashes or fingernails, for God's sake.  We had to teach him how to eat because he didn't know how to suck.  That's not close.

I'm not looking for pity or commiseration.  I am pregnant of my own free will and although my bitching might indicate otherwise, I'm really happy about it.  I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me but I also don't want any pithy platitudes.  I had my fill of them a decade ago and as my swelling increases and my patience decreases, it's getting really hard to bite my tongue.  "Shut.  The.  Fuck.  UP!!!" has been building in me with each casual comment on how close I am.  Why?  Because I'm not close and anyone who really thought about it would understand that.  So saying I'm close basically says you don't give a shit.  Which is fine, nobody is expected to give a shit but damn, do you have to be so obvious about it?  That's just cold.

I am so tired and I'd love to go to bed but I know that it's way too early.  If I go now, I'll be awake for good by 3:30, feeling like my pelvic bones are in a vise grip and wondering how I will find the energy to be the good mother my kids deserve.  How in the heezee has that Duggar woman done this EIGHTEEN times?  She is either amazing or masochistic.  As for me?  I'm neither.  This is it.  If all goes well, I'll score my hat trick in 8 long weeks and then I am D-O-N-E.