Not the Options I Was Expecting

As I mentioned, I want a better birthday this year.  I've had 2 unique experiences presented to me which most likely will never again be offered on my birthday or maybe ever but I'm going to decline both for various reasons.

First, my doctor wanted to schedule my c-section that day.  I said no thank you as I don't think Baby should have to share her birthday (and neither should I.)  We'll be back-to-back but on the same day is weird.  It's one thing to go into labor naturally and have the baby on your birthday but to schedule it that day is just strange.  To be honest, my desire for cake is what compelled me to say "NOOOO!!!" as soon as the date came out of her mouth but that has turned out to be a moot point with the maybe/maybe not GD issue.  Still, even cakeless, I don't want to have Sheemee on my birthday.  I'd rather watch Tom and my sweeties enjoy the cake while I sit there drooling and cursing than be lying in a hospital, popping Percocet and waiting for the spinal to wear off.

Second bizarro option is the monthly book club with the neighbor ladies.  What is strange about a book club meeting, you ask?  Well, this month's selection, in honor of Valentine's Day (which is 2 weeks earlier and a day of love, not smut) is "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" by Jenna Jamison.  Nothing says love and affection like some filmed girl-on-girl action, no?  That's not even the best part -- along with the discussion of this great work of literature, there will be a sex toy party.  *insert semi-hysterical cackle here*  Seriously, I don't even know what to say about that.  I like most of my neighbors but I really, REALLY don't want the mental image of a double-pronged dildo attached to them the next time I run into them -- or their husbands!!! -- on the playground or at the supermarket.  Call me a prude, perhaps I am, but I think the marital relationship is private, sacred even, and definitely not fodder for cheap laughs with almost-strangers.  I'm actually bummed about this because I had high hopes when I joined the club.  I love to read and I thought it would be really enjoyable to get out, have a glass of wine and discuss plots and themes with the women in my neighborhood.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  It's basically a gossip fest that they dumb down with lousier books and less discussion each month.  Natalie and I had a more intellectual discussion of "How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food?" earlier tonight than the book review at the last meeting I attended.  I'd say that with this month's crap selection and the "party" to follow, I'm officially severing my connection with book club.

Looks like buying my own cake last year WASN'T as low as things could go after all!