Prayerful Ponderings

Reading a friend's blog, I was struck by how experience really shapes one's views.  She was talking about a horrific experience in her life that changed for the better with no rational explanation.  She thinks the power of prayer made the difference.  I, on the other hand, have had times where I prayed with all of my might and was joined by friends and strangers alike but all of that prayerful focus did nothing to prevent three lights in my life from going out.  

She believes in the power of prayer because it worked for her; I don't because it didn't work for me.  If it had worked for me, maybe I'd be all about prayer.  I'd probably still be a practicing Catholic and I definitely wouldn't have such bitter feelings towards organized religion or people who push their prayers on me.  I believed until I found reason not to which makes me question whether I ever had true faith.  Is faith blindly believing without understanding OR is it believing even after you have been given reason to doubt?  Either way, I fail the test. A positive outcome is nothing more than a coincidence.  Would have happened whether the rosary guild spent 3 days on their knees or if nobody gave God a second thought during the ordeal.  Maybe it's just easier to think that way than to imagine that my pleas were judged and then ignored while someone else's were deemed more worthy.

Facing my views on the whole thing makes me think that joining the preschool's church would be a mistake.  My mother keeps telling me that the kids need to have some sort of religious structure in their lives.  I'm not sure I agree because maybe if I hadn't been raised with religion as such a big part of life, I wouldn't have lost my very foundation when I lost my brother.