Still Simmering

Okay, this has been bugging me since this morning. I didn't mention it in my orientation post because I know a lot of people will think it's silly. But why am I censoring myself? This is MY blog and I can be silly, paranoid, anxious, whatever. It's my sounding board, the place I put my crazy so that it doesn't spill into real life. Much.

So here's the deal. While we were sitting in the classroom this morning, Jack's teacher went over a few things briefly (she'll go into greater detail at the Parents' Night in a few weeks) and one of them was their behavior chart. It hangs on the wall and has 5 columns and 4 rows of plastic pockets with a child's name on each and a pack of colored cards in it. I wasn't really following what she was saying but basically, the kids get a card based on their behavior (green is good, yellow is okay, blue gets a note sent home and red warrants a phone call) and then based on their color, they get a star on a chart or not.

Fine, whatever, kids are very visual and they love seeing their progress, etc. That's not the issue. The issue is that there are 20 plastic pockets and 22 kids in the class. 2 empty envelopes were slapped on the wall next to the pocket chart. Guess whose name was on one of the envelopes?

Yep, you guessed it. Jack.

I see this and I'm annoyed. Why the effing eff is he singled out? It's not alphabetical, the names are in no discernable pattern. Just dumb luck, I guess. So I'm annoyed that there are more kids in the class than spaces on the chart, wondering if there are TOO many kids in the class, thinking that she's a lazy SOB for not making a new chart but whatever, not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

After she finishes her shpiel, Jack and I wander around to check out the classroom. He makes a beeline for the chart and looks at it pensively.

Oh shit. Here it comes.

"Mom, am I that Jack who isn't on the chart?"

"Yeah, bud, I think you are."

"Why aren't I on the chart? Why is mine empty? I don't have any cards. Am I in trouble?"

Oh. My. GOD.

There are many kids who wouldn't think it's a big deal that their envelope isn't on the chart. For better or for worse, my kid is not one of them. He notices things. He wonders about them. He knows when something is different, off balance, asymmetrical. (GodDAMN, he is so me.)

Why couldn't one of those other kids who wouldn't notice let alone care have been left off the chart? Because the universe loves to fuck with me and, by extension, my kids, that's why.

He looks at me with those big blue eyes full of apprehension, nervous that he's in trouble and that's why he has no cards in his afterthought of an envelope. My eyes are ready to bug out of my head as I use all my will-power not to strangle his lazy C-U-Next-Tuesday of a teacher. It would have killed her to make a new chart, one that has space for EVERYONE?

They say you get what you pay for and I'm really feeling like that is what my kid is getting.

I told him that his teacher didn't have paper big enough to make a chart for everyone and that since he is one of the bigger kids, she probably figured that he wouldn't mind getting an envelope rather than a pocket on the chart. I guessed that she was taking her time in making his color cards so that they would be perfect. This mollified him. As long as he has a rational explanation, he will accept pretty much anything.

I said nothing to the teacher. It all happened so fast and I didn't want to be complaining within an hour of meeting her in case she took against my son for it but seriously, that right there was some lazy shit on her part. Way to make the kids feel equal, right?

I should have taken a picture of it for illustrative purposes. I'm not sure I have explained the whole situation well.

I thought I would feel better if I wrote this out. Maybe I would even read it back and see that I was being foolish. I don't and I don't.

Is it summer vacation yet?