Free at last, free at last

Thank God Almighty...free at last!

Don't get me wrong, I love being with my kids.  When I go somewhere without one or both of them, I'm wishing I was home within the hour.  However, it's draining to be somone's entire world, the sole source of happiness and contentment the way I am for Natalie.  I can't even go to the Acme alone without her screams echoing in my ears and the weight of her sorrow at being left behind pushing down on my heart.  It worries me that she is so attached to me in a way that Jack isn't and never was.  I wonder what I did to make her this way and how I can help her get past it because life has so much more to offer than just the view she has had from my right hip for the past three years.  I hoped school would help her to separate easier when I signed her up last year and again this fall but until now, it only made her more clingy and manic.

Today, though.  Oh glorious day!  There were no tears at drop-off this morning.  First time ever The Girl has kissed my cheek, walked away on her own two legs and willingly let me leave her somewhere without any drama.  I didn't know what to do.  My heart was hammering just as hard as when I leave her in tears.  I skipped to the parking lot, grinning a shit-eaten grin.  People probably thought I was high.  I felt like I was.  If I knew how to do a cartwheel, I would have.  Looking back at how euphoric I was, I'm surprised I didn't give it a try.  It was so nice to know that my sweet girl was there of her own volition and she wasn't afraid or feeling abandoned.  

Why?  What made today different than all the other school days that started with tears and terror?  I've been talking up the joys of school even more lately.  Did that have an impact?  Is she just getting used to the routine?  I bought her a new shirt yesterday and when I saw how much she liked it, I made a big deal out of  how she could show it to her friends so I promised I'd wash it last night so she could wear it this morning.  She was all excited to put it on today after breakfast.  Was fashion divaness the reason she went without trouble?  I'll buy her a new shirt for every school day for the rest of the year!

I hope and pray that this was a breakthrough for us.  Unfortunately, school is closed on Friday and Monday so she won't go back again until next Wednesday.  Please cross your fingers that she is just as happy to go to school next week for all of our sakes.  It's so hard on all of us, including Jack who has to start his day listening to her scream when I drag her to and from the car as well as Tom who has to listen to me cry when I call him after I drop her off.  Hopefully, it's blue skies and happy smiles from here on out.