So much for that

It's 3:40 a.m. and I'm wide awake, missing the body pillow to which I grew addicted while pregnant.  too much caffeine with dinner has left me with a faint headache and possibly inspired a very strange dream about my father's family.  In it, I was in a hotel with my Mom and Natalie (???) and Mom called my Uncle to check on my Grandmother.  When I heard that all of my aunts, uncles and cousins were gathering at his house, I decided to walk over there with Natalie.  In the dark.  Through fog.  Those are not ideal conditions for a stroll by any means and with my fear of the dark surpassing even my fear of clowns, there is no way I'd be walking the streets with my child at night(what if Jack's army of the undead was out and about???  Speaking of, where was Jack while I was in a hotel room with his sister and his beloved Grammy?)  My purpose in going to my uncle's house was to bury the hatchet with one of my cousins.  She and I were so close growing up -- writing letters as children, acting as bridesmaids in each other's weddings -- until we had a falling-out 5 years ago.  Honestly, I don't know what happened.  She was going through a divorce at the time and I was about to try to get pregnant for the first time.  Out of nowhere, she freaked out on me.  It was bizarre, absolutely crazy and out-of-character.  I thought she'd call to apologize.  She never did.  5 years later, I see her at the rare McGowan function that I attend and we act like polite strangers.  I don't think about it often but when I do, it makes me sad.

Anyway, in my dream, she was shockingly blonde and very pregnant (I just found out from my grandmother that she is expecting from the first time.)  I walked into my Uncle's, hugged her with all my might and told her that I forgave her.  Kind of arrogant since maybe she thinks her initial outburst was totally justified, lol.  I was thinking of her yesterday, wondering if I should swallow my massively oversized pride and drop her a note to congratulate her on her pregnancy even though she didn't do that for me and yes, I absolutely am petty enough to keep track of stupid slights like that.  Strange that she has been in my thoughts so much this weekend.  Maybe it's b/c my wedding is top of mind.  Unfortunately, I don't have her email address here at the hotel with me or I'd write to her before I lose my nerve.  No doubt my pride will rear its ugly head tomorrow in the cold light of day.