The Power of Prayer

is powerless in my opinion and experience.  It's all luck.  Maybe totally random, perhaps predetermined, I have no idea.  I just know that praying for a specific outcome doesn't work.  Praying for strength, I see how one can argue that it is effective but I counter that it is actually the power of self-suggestion at work. Praying for strength plants the seed and helps the intercessor to find the strength he/she already has within that was heretofore unknown.  It has nothing to do with external factors and is basically the religious version of the little engine that could -- "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."  

Once upon a time, I totally bought the whole prayer thing hook, line and sinker.  Prayer is big in the Catholic Church as I assume it is in all religions.  I forget my catechism lessons but I know that there are specific kinds of prayer including intercession for when you need something and thanksgiving for when you get it.  Looking back, I wonder how I ever thought it could work.  It's like calling Domino's and ordering a large pan pizza with pepperoni b/c that's what you want although in the case of prayer, there is no 30 minute guarantee that you will get what you want in the time frame you desire it.  So yeah, I'm a cynic in general and anti-prayer specifically.  I never tell anyone that I will pray for them because I will not.  Not because I don't care but because I see no point in it.  When people tell me that they are praying for me, I sigh internally and wish I had the balls to say, "Don't waste the effort."  After all, I had spent the week before my brother's death at a novena every night, praying that he would find guidance, grow up and lead a safer life free of the new friends he had made.  I spelled it all out on a scrap of paper as the priest requested and that note was in the basket on the altar as my parents and I rushed to his bedside where he was pronounced brain dead.  A fat lot of good all that time on my knees did for him.  My faith died right along with him as did so many other things.

At any rate, I don't believe in prayer but I still hope for the best.  Right now, I'm hoping that my mother is okay.  A routine blood test showed that her liver numbers (???) were elevated.  A liver panel showed that she doesn't have hepatitis but her liver numbers (again, ???) are well above the normal range.  She goes for a liver ultrasound first thing tomorrow morning.  It could be that the Lipitor she takes is the culprit.  Or it could be something worse but I'm not going there right now.  When my mind starts "what if-ing", I shut that shit down because it does me no good to panic.  Mom is grimly stoic.  I am grimly supportive.  These are the roles we learned to slip into back when our world fell apart.  We trade off, depending on the situation and which of us is actively facing the crisis.  It may not be healthy but it's the best we can do.