So imagine my surprise tonight when I found myself near tears at my friend Debbie's wedding. Deb and I have been friends since I was 2 and she was born. Summers at the shore together, exchanging letters all winter as children, hanging on the boardwalk as preteens...so many wonderful memories. She was the friend I asked to go with me when I got my tattoo after Jon died. We played Pink Ladies as kids and supported each other when we lost our fathers as young adults. Although we don't talk often now that we have busy lives full of our children, our men and various other adult responsibilities, I know Deb would be there for me in a heartbeat as I would for her. It was great to see her at her wedding tonight. She looked beautiful, not only because she is a lovely woman but also because she was so obviously happy and peaceful in taking this next step in her life. I'm not exaggerating when I say she glowed.
Sitting there thinking about how we used to play Barbie wedding together and how much we have grown made me think of Natalie and her pretend games. Someday, my baby girl may be a bride. I tried to imagine her all grown and in a white gown, full of joy and anticipation, and I couldn't do it. What will she look like? Who will be lucky enough to have my bright, beautiful girl? Imagining her on her special day brought tears with my eyes. I shared my thoughts with my Gram who looked wistful and said, "I won't be there to see her but I'll be watching so proudly from somewhere. I just know it." And that's when I lost it. I'm tearing again at the thought of happy times without Gram there, knowing it is coming sooner rather than later and dreading the loss more than I can say. So yeah -- friend's wedding, Natalie as an adult and life without Gram -- my emotions got the best of me tonight.
Pregnancy Hormones -- 1
Christy's Self-Control -- 0
4 comments:
Wow! My post-partum hormones just got the best of me reading that. I can't imagine the day my girls (or my new baby boy for that matter) will say "I do" but I know it will come faster than I'm ready for.
wow, a triple whammy. not many could fight back tears with those three thoughts converging at once, hormones or no! this is what happens to me whenever i hear the song my brother recorded when my son was born, and i think about dancing with him at his own wedding. which is why i've only listened to that song, like, twice.
I'm not pregnant and I'm tearing up reading that. I think it's mommy hormones.
Pass the Kleenex!
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