Jack has a new friend at school named Elliot. The Boy has been babbling about a playdate with E for the last week but he is always inviting himself to other people's houses or asking random kids to come to ours so I didn't pay much attention to this latest ballyhoo. Yesterday, E's mom introduced herself and said that E is new to Jack's school and has been talking about Jack everyday. She'd like Jack to come over for a playdate. Would he be comfortable going home with them in her car or would I like to drop him off?
Holy. Shit. WHAT???
I took a moment to blink the Morse Code equivalent of "PANIC!" and digest what she said. Trying to smile calmly and without crazy eyes, I told her that Jack would love to get together with E but that since he has never gone to a friend's house alone, I think it's something that he (I!) need to work up to doing. I suggested that we start by getting together at the playground after school some afternoon. She agreed and is going to call me to set this up.
Now I know that Jack will go out and do things on his own at some point. It is unlikely that he will ask me to be his prom date (even though I was a kick ass prom date many times.) Eventually, I will drop him off at soccer practice rather than Tom or me sitting there until he is done. However, I don't know how I feel about him going to someone's house, someone we don't know, at this age. What am I saying? I know exactly how I feel and it scares the snot out of me! I don't want to deprive him of friends and fun times but I also don't want to put him in a questionable situation. What is the etiquette here? Can I really balls out ask this woman if her home is free of roaches, vermin, drugs, pedophiles and firearms? Is that offensive or would any reasonable parent understand and respect my need to know that my child is in a safe environment? She seemed nice from the 5 minutes we spoke but I'm told Ted Bundy was an affable guy, too.
Knowing that I tend towards paranoia when it comes to the welfare of my children, I casually recounted the conversation for Tommy Boy, the laid-back voice of reason in our house. Of course, I forgot that he's the laid-back voice of reason in all matters except the bodily safety and security of our children. His response was basically a strongly worded HELL NO and he said that I need to put aside my aversion to new people and hang out with this woman on the playground or in other public places many, many times before Jack would ever be allowed to go there. In the meantime, he'll be doing a background check on her and her husband, no doubt.
E's mom would probably be horrified if she knew I was panicking over her innocent invitation. She has older children and has done this lots of times, I gather. Jack is my oldest, though, and that along with my history (I'm the one who dropped Jon off at that fateful party, after all) makes me loath to drop one of my children somewhere with a pat on the butt and cab fare home. I'm assuming that The Boy would want to go. Perhaps, perhaps not. There is no telling with Jack. As much as he loves people, he might not be comfortable there without me. We haven't discussed it with him since it isn't happening. So, for now, we'll go to a park and get to know his new friend and his new friend's mother before going any further.
Who knew I'd find a positive in Natalie's clinginess? There is little chance anyone will be inviting the school shrieker over for at least 10 years at the rate she is going and that is a-okay with me.
7 comments:
I think we all go through that type situation, I know I have w/ K & O - we took Tom's approach - public places many times over until we were comfortable enough take it any further. You're not being paraniod, just being a good parent! I hope things work out! :)
I'm with Shontel..you are not being paranoid...you're being a great mommy. It would take a WHOLE LOT of get-togethers for me to feel comfortable leaving Eli alone with someone I don't know. I will say that I would (after a couple park playdates) accept an invite to her home to see up close and personally if the house is clean, if they look respectable from their home standpoint as well as just their personal appearance standpoint. ((HUGS))
omg, I totally know what you mean! there was a mom last year, that kept saying, in front of Kevin no less, that she wanted to have him over for a sleepover! uh, noooot yet! he hasnt even been to your house! and you're alot flakey! anyway, I think the playground playdates will be fun!
Tyler's 8 and hasn't gone to anyone's house for a play date (besides the neighbor in our old neighborhood). I still sit on the bleachers at soccer and go to Boy Scout meetings with him. I'd much rather bring my herd of kids to the park and meet friends he wants to play with in public. I've never dropped him off at a birthday party and am probably the weird one that hangs out - but he's my kid!!
The thought of this just made my stomach churn. You are absolutely right to suggest a playground play date (or 20!) before letting go to another child's house. And I am sure the other mommy will understand (and might even be relieved).
Which reminds me, H was invited to a Tumblebus birthday party...but the parent asked us to sign a waiver. HUH? What is this Tumblebus? I'm heading to Google right now to find out. Not thrilled about an 3yo's bday party that requires a waiver, that's for sure.
I'm right there with ya sister! Luckily Aedan is still in Daycare and it's closer to my work rather than our home.. so I haven't had any *playdates* as of yet even though A keeps mentioning playing at Jen's house..
Oh Hell YES I would need a lot of playdates in public before dropping my child at someone's house. (and you know how anal I'll be about someone else driving my child!) What about eventually (after many public playdates!), inviting mom and Eliot back to your house for playdate and coffee?
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