As soon as she hears that it is a school day, the water works start. I try to avoid the question but I can only buy myself so much time without outright lying to the poor child. My new goal is not to admit that she has to go to school until her shoes are on b/c last Wednesday's kicking and screaming while I tried to get her into her Nikes (why did I buy the kind with laces???) made me fear for my unborn baby's safety.
It's horrible. The whining used to start when we'd pull into the school parking lot. Now she's crying the minute she gets up and it only gets worse as the morning progresses. She is genuinely upset and it tears at my heart. She pleads with me, begging to stay with me and promising to behave. That is what kills me -- she acts like I'm punishing her by sending her. I could cry just thinking about her little tear-streaked face imploring me not to leave her. Gut-wrenching sounds so melodramatic but it describes my feelings exactly as I walk down the steps, accompanied by the fading echo of her screaming for me. I thought I was going to throw up right there in the hallway this morning.
The rest of the class has adjusted. As I carried her in this morning -- she no longer walks; I have to peel her hands off the carseat and carry her into the building and right into the classroom -- the rest of the kids were playing with toys or coloring at the little activity stations. They don't even flinch when Hurricane Natalie arrives. I don't know if that is good, meaning they accept her as she is, or if it is bad and she has made herself an outcast to be ignored already.
I just want her to be happy. That is all I want for both of my children. I don't care about big houses, fancy cars, vacations -- I just want my kids to be happy and healthy. Right now, only one is and I feel like it's my fault. That is the worst feeling in the world.
3 comments:
Does she adjust okay once you leave? How is she when you pick her up?
Her teachers said Monday was a rough day -- sounds like they got the full Madam treatment complete with foot stomping and arm crossing -- but most days she settles down midway through. She won't participate in music or gym but she isn't crying throughout the day on most days. At pick-up, she is usually tear-free but tells me that she is mad at me, lol.
Hang in there! Madam certainly is trying to push your limits. Maybe if she does this now, the teen years will be a piece of cake???? Maybe?
;)
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