Bonnie's Birth Story

I have been putting off this post as it promises to be an epic one but the more time that passes, the more I will forget.  I need to remember all of the good stuff for those "ARGH!!!" moments my sweet girl will no doubt provide and I need to remember the bad stuff for when I start to get baby fever.  I think I'll do this in bullet points to make it quicker.  Here goes...

• On the morning of my surgery, Tom and I dropped the kids at school on our way to the hospital.  We took cupcakes in for Jack's half birthday.  I bawled my eyes out saying goodbye to them, knowing our lives were about to change forever and wondering how they would weather the changes.  I'm proud and happy to say that they have exceeded my wildest expectations with their love and acceptance of their new sister.

We got to the hospital 2 hours ahead of schedule as requested.  Lots of sitting around in the cubicle while my OB chatted with her colleagues in the hall.  20 minutes before I was scheduled to go in, she got called to another delivery, pushing my surgery back 2 hours. Not.  good.  times.

• While we waited, Dr. G, Jack's ped, called to tell us that based on the x-rays, he wanted an orthopedist to examine Jack's arm and that he'd gone ahead and scheduled an appointment for the next day.  Even though he said it was "no big deal," when Tom asked to reschedule because he had a job interview conflicting with the appointment, Dr. G. gently insisted that we keep the appointment and reschedule the interview.  This put us both on high alert but neither of us said anything outloud.  Our eyes were saying it all.  Tom then went through the process of rescheduling his interview for later the next day and lining up a babysitter for Nat while he took Jack to the ortho.

• It took 3 nurses to get my IV in and functioning properly.  It kept leaking and it hurt so much.  (We won't even talk about how hard it was to take pictures with it in!)  The spot where it was still hurts 3 weeks later.  

• Being wheeled into the OR is such a surreal experience.  Watching the ceiling tiles slide by, the blinding brightness of the room's lights, crawling from the gurney to the table -- it was just as scary, maybe more so, this time as it was when I had Jack.  My OB held me down for the spinal which did not go well, unlike the others I had.  Same anesthesiologist who did it when I had Nat so I guess it was just a fluke.  At any rate, I was numb for the surgery so all is well that ends well.  I wish that Tom could be the one who holds me for that though.  It's such a horrible feeling of vulnerability to be curled over and waiting for someone to basically paralyze you.  I totally understand why they have a professional "controlling" the patient but it would have been comforting to at least have him in the room with me.

Once I was numbed, they lowered me back, did whatever they do to my arms, put an oxygen mask on me, raised the tent so I wouldn't see the carnage and then called Tommy Boy in to sit with me.  As always, the surgery was surprisingly quick.  I felt pulling, tugging and pressure but no pain at all.  Once they had me open and were ready to take out the baby, there was lots of hmmming and ummming as they tried to decide the best way to get her out.  With the way they were carrying on, I was worrying that she was 15 lbs!  They finally pulled her out with a WHOOSH! and even numbed up, I felt the release and such a sense of lightness.  Bonnie let out a loud, healthy cry as they showed her to us and then whisked her to the other side of the room to do what they do to make sure she is well.  I sent Tom and the camera to follow.  He took such great pictures that it felt like I was there as well.  At this point, I was crying huge tears of joy and relief that she was with us after all my worries to the contrary.

• Dr. McC asked again if I wanted my tubes tied and with only a moment's hesitation for all that would be lost, I said yes.  She told me that I was definitely making the right choice as my uterus was in bad shape and that even this pregnancy had been risky.  Perhaps that is why I had such a feeling of dread the whole time?  At any rate, she strongly advised me to have the procedure, saying that I probably wouldn't be able to carry another full term pregnancy so I felt better about having the procedure.  No more babies for us but that's okay -- the three we have are the great blessings of my life and Tom and I both agree that we're better off quitting while we're ahead.

• Once I was closed up, it was off to the recovery room for a few hours.  I don't even want to remember that awful time.  My anesthesia wore off with lightening speed this time and my pain was uncontrollable.  I don't even know how many shots of how many different drugs the nurse put in my IV.   (No wonder I couldn't poo for a week!)  It was horrendous.  I hate to be a pest or ask for anything but I was begging her to give me something, ANYTHING to make the pain go away.  At this point, my Mom was there and I know it was awful for her to see me suffering like that.  Tom had gone home to check on the kids and get his suit ready for a job interview the next day so he missed the worst of it.  Miss Bonnie lay placidly under the warming light in her bassinet all the while, already showing what a sweet-natured baby she is.
  
  

• A staff pediatrician came in to tell us that Bonnie's sugar numbers were way too low.  She said that Bonnie would need to be bottle-fed immediately and that the staff would be monitoring her blood sugar every three hours.  My poor girl, her chem level (I think that's what they called it, the real term may have been lost in a haze of percocet) fluctuated over the next 3 days and her poor feet were pricked time and again.  It got so that she would flinch and cry if you even touched her heel.  By the end of our stay, her numbers were regulated and all was well.

• I barely remember the first night.  I feel like I didn't sleep at all but Tom says I did and talked nonsense in my sleep the whole time.  He got up with Bonnie time and again, leaving him bleary-eyed for his interview the next day.  Thankfully, they didn't hold it against him and he starts the new job in a couple of weeks.  Mandatory rooming-in SUCKS.  We could have used some rest that first night -- with me still catherized and hurting, what would have happened if Tom couldn't stay with me?  I don't even want to think about it.

• We had some really wonderful nurses over the 4 days we were in the hospital.  The nursing instructor (GET YOUR DIRTY FINGER OUT OF MY NEWBORN'S MOUTH, YOU ASSHOLE!!!) and her inept students (IF YOU CAN'T GET A BLOOD SAMPLE IN ONE STICK, LET A REAL NURSE DO IT BECAUSE YOU ARE HURTING MY BABY!!!) had me at my wit's end but otherwise, I have nothing but good things to say about the nursing staff.  The lactation consultant who wouldn't help me get Bonnie latched and insisted that I should pump all day...I'm not even going to go there.  What's done is done but seriously, she should consider a new line of work.

• Halfway through, my pressure started going back up.  There was talk of keeping me another day for monitoring which I did not want at all.  It's not like I was being monitored after the first 24 hours anyway -- a nurse came in 2x's a day unless I called and asked for pain meds so it was just Bonnie and me sitting in the room with the door closed.  I could have stroked out and died and nobody would have known until shift change so I wanted to go home where I'd have help and someone with me all the time.

• My stay wasn't the vacation I had hoped it would be -- I didn't read any of the books I  brought or play my Nintendo DS at all -- but I did get online when Bonnie was sleeping.  Having my Macbook with me was a godsend.  Everyone was working or with my big kids during the day so I didn't have many visitors and I was pretty bored the whole time.  Facebook and watching TV online keep my boredom at bay and distracted me from how much my incision throbbed.

• Tom brought the kids in to see us as a surprise on Wednesday.  I cannot even describe how wonderful it was to see them and how huge they looked!  It was love at first sight when Natalie saw her sister and the same for Jack when he saw the fancy TV in my room, lol.  They were so careful with the baby and with my sore abdomen.  Tom did a great job preparing them for how gentle they needed to be.  Seeing them made me determined to get home to them as soon as I could.
  
  

This all went down less than 3 weeks ago and yet it feels like a lifetime has passed since Bonnie's first moments.  She fits so seamlessly into our lives and for that I am so grateful.