Hit Me with Your Best Shot

Flu shot, that is.

I can't get vaccinated for love or money. I have called everywhere -- EVERYWHERE -- and there is not a seasonal flu shot to be had since I'm not under 6, over 65, pregnant or chronically ill.

Awesome. I'm too young and too healthy to be protected. God forbid I, you know, stay that way, right?

Balls.

What really annoys me is that I am a responsible citizen who gets the flu shot every year. Now everybody is in a blind panic about Swine and is getting the seasonal shot which has nothing to do with Swine. Those effers stole my shot. Do I think I should have had first dibs on the flu shot as a return customer? Well, yes, actually, I do. There should be a frequent buyers club or something, some kind of reward like how I get free shipping from The Gap with my Gap Silver card.

I love my Gap Silver card. It's not a regular old boring Gap credit card. It's SILVER. And it entitles me to free shipping on all orders. Even if I only buy a pair of clearance socks for $.99, my friends at The Gap will send them for free. Because of my Silver card. And because I spend so much money there. Which is why I'm eligible for the Silver card in the first place.

Oops. Let's not talk about that. Tommy Boy reads my blog periodically.

Anyway, I called my doctor (useless as always), Target, Safeway, Acme, Walgreens. Nada.

Can you believe my Target let me down? Devastating.

Nobody has any vaccine in stock. I even called *shudder* Delaware's public health clinic to see if they would vaccinate me. Nope.

Get this -- when you call the Delaware Public Health Services, you get an automated system and it's all, "For this option, press 1. For that option, press blah blah blah..." So I'm listening, waiting for my options and getting annoyed at all the free stuff available to people who aren't me when I hear, "for sexual and reproductive health and flu shots, press 3." Ummm, yeah, okay, because they go together. Flu, herpes, whatever, they are really close, right? Stupid ass Delaware.

So, even the skeevy public health clinic won't help me. They say it's because I'm both too old and too young and too not-pregnant. Whatever, they probably know how I mock their lousy little state and they want me to get sick. Haters.

The rest of the family has been vaccinated, the kids at the ped and Tom through work. Only I, the one who keeps this ship running, remain vulnerable to the flu. God help us all if I get it and am out of commission for a week. Talk about the inmates running the asylum...