A Cup of Tea with a Side of Guilt

Jack's class had a special tea party for all of the moms in honor of Mother's Day this morning.  As is so often the case, it fell on a day when Natalie wasn't in school so I had to take both girls with me.  Both the preschool director and Nat's teacher (who teaches the 2's on Tues. and Thurs.) tried to coax my stubborn girl away so that I could give Jack 50% of my attention rather than the 33.3% he is left with since Bon was born but The Madam dug in her heels and refused to leave my side.  Awesome.

I was the only mom there who brought her other kids.  Most of Jack's classmates are the youngest or onlies so finding a babysitter wasn't an issue for their moms but the few who do have other kids made other arrangements for their little ones.  Lord, I would have if I could have but Tom is at work so what could I do?  Jack didn't say anything but he was pretty whiny so I know he was bothered.  Natalie sobbed when I wouldn't let her sit on my lap so that Jack could.  Bonnie fussed, of course, because she doesn't like to sit and I had to sit and drink the lemonade that Jack so carefully served to me.  At one point, all three of them were in tears or close to it and I wasn't far behind.  I felt like such a bad mom, trying to please everyone and failing to please anyone.  Lots of sympathetic looks with a few snide ones shot my way.  I am weary from the effort of smiling gamely when all I wanted to do was stuff a sock in Nat's mouth, hug Jack for the effort he put into my corsage, grab all 3 and run for the door.

Adding to my guilt is Jack's class trip next week.  They are going to Wilmington Western Railroad and the parents are strongly encouraged to go along.  I would love to go.  Problem is, siblings aren't allowed to take part so what can I do?  Tuesdays are Tom's busiest days at work making it impossible for him to go with Jack or work from home while minding the girls.  I have no options so Jack will be the only one there without a parent and he'll have to ride in someone else's car which scares the snot out of me.  If it was any other day, I'd keep him home but he loves trains and I can't deprive him of that.  Bad enough that I'm depriving him of his mother's undivided attention.

Someday I will look back on today and laugh.  Today is not that day.