Ben...Jerry...Why Have You Forsaken Me???

I just frantically clawed through the freezer's contents, looking for my stash of cookie dough ice cream.  It's gone.  The kids can't reach that high and wouldn't want it anyway so it must have been Tom.  Tom, the man who promised to love and cherish me always, ate my ice cream.  It's a good thing he's at poker right now because seriously, I might just stab him in the face if he was here.  I feel like I'm going to cry.  I can't have a glass of wine, I'm trapped in the house and all I wanted was a few spoonfuls of deliciousness.  Is that too much to ask?  Apparently so.

He better win big tonight.  Actually, the stakes in the weekly game are not that high.  There is no way he could win enough to make this up to me.  He could roll an armored car after the black friday sales pick-up and that still wouldn't cover it.  :-(  I need to calm down and remember that killing him, no matter how justifiable it feels, would mean having my baby in prison and I'm guessing a c-section there would not be awesome.  It's just ice cream, right?  And I'm better off not eating it anyway, right?  RIGHT???

A true jury of my peers would never convict me of killing him for this outrage.  They'd be sitting in the jury box, rubbing their swollen bellies, fighting the need to pee, thinking about their own cravings and totally understanding why I should be released from custody and driven to the nearest ice cream parlor immediately.

I should check the freezer again.  Eating my ice cream would be a really, REALLY dumb move and my husband is a smart man.  Can I take the disappointment of looking and not finding it once again?  Why can one get pretty much any kind of food delivered but not ice cream?  My tears are salty.  I was so in the mood for something sweet.