Don't Even Get Me Started on What His Confirmation Name Will Be

We all have big worries in our lives that threaten to overtake us in moments 0f weakness. It's important to have a way of distracting ourselves from them, be it Sudoku or a brisk walk or a nap, whatever. When I start worrying about The Big Things -- my Gram dying, three college educations, the economy, lions and tigers and bears, oh my! -- I take a break by...worrying about little things.

Stupid? Yes. Better than drinking a gallon of vodka though.

So, rather than thinking about my Gram's rapidly declining health and how the kids will react when their beloved Gigi heads off to the great beyond, I found myself thinking about Jack's confirmation sponsor.

Or rather, his lack thereof.

Who will be Jack's sponsor? Can Tom do it? Is it totally nerdy and pathetic to have your Dad as your sponsor? Will the other kids make fun of him?

Oh SHIT, what are we going to do???

While I emptied the dishwasher and tried not to think about whether my mother can afford to retire (and whether she can afford NOT to from every perspective except financially), I zeroed in on Jack's Confirmation Day and his woefully sponsorless status. Even though it's YEARS away. Even though he hasn't made his First Communion yet. Even though he isn't actually enrolled in CCD. Even though we aren't exactly religious and Jack has been in a Catholic church only 4 times in his whole life (his baptism, his sisters' baptisms and my Uncle's funeral when we had nobody who would watch our children and help spare them from witnessing the sorrow of their favorite people in the world. But I digress...)

So yeah, here I am freaking out over something silly. But you know what? It isn't silly. It's actually an offshoot of a much larger problem, one that is always one my mind.

Jack has only one male role model in his life on a regular basis.

Just Tom. An excellent example of how to be a strong, kind, decent man to be sure. But is that enough?

I really don't think so.

Maybe it's because I grew up in a house teeming with people. Aunts, uncles, neighbors, my parents' friends, Jon and I were surrounded by adults who were both similar and different than my parents. It was wonderful.

Hilary Clinton said it takes a village to raise a child. I don't totally agree with that -- always sounds like a cop-out for parents who aren't willing to be truly present and accept that children need to be a parent's priority -- but it's definitely nice to have a village to visit, if you will. You know, drop by, check out the local customs, sample the cuisine.

My kids are surrounded by women. Obviously they spent the bulk of their young lives with me and that has involved time with my mother, grandmothers, aunts, sister-cousin and girlfriends. They are terribly familiar with how women react, interact. But men? Not so much. Tom has lots of friends, great friends, but he sees them at night after the kids are asleep. A poker game isn't exactly a place for a child so it's not like we can just tag along so the kiddos can see Daddy with his nice friends.

It worries me so much. Is this why Jack has always felt more comfortable pretending to be the girl characters on shows? Girls and their ways are all he knows! Is Natalie so skittish with men because the only one she interacts with is her Dad? How will my girls learn to deal with men who are different than their brother and father, both of whom are loving, warm, gentleman type of guys? Will they end up working the pole because of it?

Do I hire a Manny? Take them to hang out with the slacker dudes at arcades? I don't know. Maybe it's not really an issue. Or maybe the issue is that I feel the hole in their lives where my Dad and Jon should be even if they don't.

It breaks my heart all over again when I think about what my babies lost before they were even born.

It's just not fair.

Yeah, we're back on that again.