SIXTEEN DAYS.
Luckily, I have really good kids. They are well-behaved, fun to be with and easy to handle. But Mommy needs to get out of the house -- ALONE -- once in a while. That doesn't happen when Tom is away.
During Tom's last trip, the kids were on Spring Break. People gasped in horror when I told them that Tom was going to be away while the kids were off but that's how I prefer it. No school meant no racing around in the morning, trying to get everyone ready and out the door on time without Tom providing back up. We slept late, ate when and whatever we wanted and scheduled lots of activities to keep us from getting bored and antsy.
High point: meeting the newest Tobin. Tom's sister had a baby last month and we visited with Connor last week. Man, I forgot how tiny and fragile newborns are. It was so nice to snuggle him and smell his baby hair. Glorious.
Low point: Bonnie fell down the steps. My precious baby tumbled 7 steps down to the hardwood floor below. I thought I put the gate up, I would have sworn that I did. I was in the bathroom when I heard Jack shout, Nat scream, a big crash and then all three of them sobbing. I ran down to where Bonnie was sprawled on the floor and scooped her up, feeling for bumps or concavities on her head and rotating her limbs to see if anything made her cry harder. Thanks be to all things good and holy, she was fine. I don't know how but she escaped with nothing but a scrape on her chin.
The four of us sat on the floor, hugging and crying. The Biggies kept apologizing, "I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm so sorry! I couldn't get to her fast enough!" It broke my heart. Not only was it my fault that she got hurt (could have been killed!) but it was my fault that her siblings were terrified and blaming themselves. Of course they couldn't save her -- they are just little! I tried reassuring them but they took it so hard.
That incident was the lowest point I've reached while doing time in Delaware. I was so scared that something was wrong with Bonnie and I had nobody to provide moral support for us. Tom was in California, my mother was on the other side of rush hour traffic and my friends are all miles away. I have never hated living here as much as I did that day, never felt so alone and isolated. Whereas before I was all fired up and snarky about living here, now I'm just cold and bitter. I hate it. I'm marking time until we can go home. This place where I have no one will never be Home.
At any rate, the kids and I survived Daddy's trips and we're so glad to have him back with us. My fingers are crossed that he doesn't have to go away again and that if he does, it's not until the kids' summer vacation so that I can pack us up and get us the hell out of here while he is gone. Tom is the reason we are here and if he is not here, Delaware can kiss my ass and eat my dust.
2 comments:
woman...you are only a few hours drive from me. i might have my lil man in tow but if you truly needed someone, I would drive down and help.
well, if it were on a weekend and I didn't have to take off of work, cause those ass-holes don't understand that real life sometimes happens.
:)
Awww, thanks, Guin. I'm fine on my own with the kids b/c they are really good little sweeties. It's critical times like when Bon fell down the steps that I really need someone to help me calm them (and me!) I would have given my left arm for a friend to check her over with me and tell me that she was okay but I had no one. It was just scary and awful and lonely.
Post a Comment