My Hatred of Dogs and Their Owners Has Reached the Red Zone. Watch Out, Neighbors.

Jack just walked through dog shit in his brand new suede sneakers and then stepped into my minivan. Immediately, I smelled it but it was too late, he got it on the van's carpet and part of the seat. I threw the shoes out and wished I could do the same car.

Oh.

My.

GOD.

If I could get my hands on that cocksucking, motherfucking, selfish, arrogant dickhead who left the crap there, I would kill him. Or her. Seriously, I think I would.

You know that scene in American History X when Edward Norton takes the burglar to the curb? Yeah, that would be me and the dog owner. You won't curb your dog because you are too special or something? Well, let me introduce you to a new meaning of the word "curbing", asshole.

Unfortunately, we don't actually have curbs in our neighborhood. Yet another strike against Delaware.

The shoes are in the trash. New shoes. In the trash. Why? Because I wasn't going to scrape feces out of the tread. So now these assholes aren't just desecrating my lawn, they are also costing me money.

I hope they die. Seriously, I do. Them and their stupid dogs. Drop like flies, assholes. It's no loss to the world, a few less douchebags who think they don't have to respect other people and their property.