but a baby will grow and grow and grow no matter how closely you watch her.
Isn't she adorable? That's Bonnie, my tiny little newborn. Amazing that someone so recently born can be so alert and support herself like that, isn't it? What can I say? Superior genes. She's a fricking wunderkind. What? When was she born, you ask? Just a few weeks ago. Let me check the calendar...no, that can't be right...wait, really?
Holy Hannah, it's been almost 11 months since the last best day of my life.
My last baby is thisclose to toddlerhood. I am staring down the barrel of her first birthday and I am freaking out.
How did we go from this...
to this in the blink of an eye?
I was paying attention. I swear I was. I knew when I confirmed my tubal ligation with a quiet "Yes" minutes after she was born that every moment with my Bonnie girl had to count because she was writing the final chapter in the Baby Years section of my life story. I haven't taken any of it for granted, truly I haven't. So how did it all pass without me noticing?
She is so big now. Big and perfect and ready to take on the world.
When I pick her up for a hug, 9 times out of 10 she's worming her way off my lap and onto the floor so she can drag-crawl her way to something more interesting than Mommy.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that she is so excited about the world and its wonders, grateful that she is a healthy child who can go, go, GO as she chooses.
I just wish she'd let me hold her a little longer, a little closer.
With Jack, I was always eager for the next milestone both as proof that his early birth didn't leave any damage and because I was excited to see what fun the next stage of development would bring.
With Natalie, I couldn't wait for her to get older because I already knew how much more fun a toddler is (and I hoped that eventually she'd release her death grip on my neck and let me pee in privacy. Still waiting for that last one, btw.)
With Bonnie, it's the opposite. I want to stop time, freeze her as she is right now, still small enough to wrap around me when she's tired and still all of the joy with none of the attitude.
Jack had a Carter's onesie that someone gave to him which said, "If only they would stay little." I thought it was so silly then but now I get it. I imagine that tagline came from a mother who'd watched her last baby get up and walk away.
Out of the three c-sections I have had, I recovered the quickest from Bonnie's birth. I don't think the same will be said of my recovery time from seeing that 1 bright candle on her birthday cake next month.
No amount of Percocet will help me with that.
1 comment:
Having *just* been there, I know exactly how you feel. Except, now that I think about it, it wasn't *just* there - he's been 1 for over a month now! The only difference is that I'm crazy enough to believe that I'll do this one more time. It however doesn't really help with how fast time is going and how quickly all my little itty bitties are becoming their own independent people.
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