I Usually Avoid The Mommy Wars like Jack Avoids Meatloaf.

For some reason, though, I couldn't let this one go.

I started subscribing to Family Circle earlier in the year. I really like it. Good recipes, timely articles, easy reading...it's like literary fiber that keeps my brain running smoothly.

So when I read this month's letter to the editor, I was really disappointed to read something that smacked loudly of the "working moms have it sooooooo much harder" whine that I find, well, asinine:

"Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't read the rest of the year, but as every working mom knows, it can be extremely challenging to find those moments (with homework, dinner, dishes, laundry, evening meetings, sports...) and the energy."

Ummm, for real? Only working moms have to deal with those challenges? Why didn't anyone tell me that??? Dude, I have been handling all that crap for years now along with lots of other tasks working moms outsource to a greater or lesser extent. You mean I could have been laying on the couch, leisurely working my way through every book on my Goodreads to-read list? Balls!

Normally, I roll my eyes at that kind of smack talk and let it go. That's when it's someone I know acting all put-upon and superior though. This chick, she's the editor of a magazine and I am paying for that magazine. So you know what? Oh HELL no.

Time for me to write a letter. So, I sat down to write to an editor for the second time in my life. (The first time is a long story and was a much bigger deal than this.) Here is what I wrote:

Please let me start by saying that I am currently in my first year of subscribing to your magazine and I really enjoy it. It's always the first magazine I grab off the stack of periodicals that lands on my bedside table each month.

This month's issue, specifically your brief editor's note on the pleasures of summer, really disappointed me. You wrote, "It's not that I don't read the rest of the year, but as every working mom knows, it can be extremely challenging to find those moments...and the energy."

Wow. Really?

I don't know your history but in case you have always been a working mother aside from maternity leave, please allow me to educate you on what it's like to stay home to raise children. Moms who don't work outside the home have an equally difficult time finding the time and the energy to sit down and dig into a good book. (We also have trouble going to the bathroom by ourselves or making a simple phone call, something I imagine isn't an issue at your office. At least, I hope it isn't.) Like working moms, we are very busy all day every day. Instead of board meetings, sales calls or data entry, we're making meals, cleaning up the carnage after meals, chaperoning class trips, diapering heineys, singing the alphabet, refereeing debates on whether Superman is stronger than Batman, hostessing tea parties, blowing bubbles, pushing strollers around the neighborhood, going anywhere and everywhere with an entourage and maybe, if we're lucky, grabbing breakfast before noon. Most of us don't have the time to vacuum until after the kids go to bed let alone read a chapter from the latest download on our Kindle (not that most of us with multiple kids and a single income could afford luxuries like a Kindle.) Trust me, life at home with children is not one long lazy Sunday afternoon of relaxing with a good book like it may seem. Also, no bon-bons which is a major bummer but we are entitled to an unlimited amount of Cheerios as long as we are willing to eat them off the rug or from the crevices of the high chair.

Whether you have experienced it yourself or not, I think you know the reality of a day in the life of an at-home parent which is why what you wrote disappointed me. Leaving out that one tiny, loaded word -- working -- would not have made your statement any less true but oh, what a difference it makes. Including it excludes a large portion of your readership. Without "working" in that sentence, all of the moms reading your magazine would be ruefully nodding in agreement; instead, some of us are shaking our heads in disappointment.

Motherhood -- we're all in this together or at least we should be. The last thing I expect to see is the editor of a magazine dedicated to families firing a shot in The Mommy Wars. Going forward, I hope that you will be cognizant of the fact that not all of your readers are employed but we are all working hard to raise our children well while trying to wring a few moments of peace out of our hectic daily schedules.

Sincerely,

Christine Tobin

Wilmington, DE

former corporate go-getter, now at-home mom to 3 wonderful children

Working moms have it hard. I can't imagine how difficult it is, not only to get everyone ready in the morning but also to leave their kids with someone else all day long. That would break my heart. I am not made of strong enough stuff to do that so my hat is off to them. Well, to those who don't feel the need to crap on my choices to make themselves feel better about their own. Those bitches can kiss my butt. Assuming they can access it, that is. It's planted on the couch where I'm relaxing with a good book while my kids play in the street or something. I could watch them but I'd rather take advantage of all the free time being at home affords me. Hey, pass the bon-bons, okay?