so it's recorded here for posterity...
The Misadventures of Jack or Why My Hair Is Falling Out 3/18/08
I swear, I can’t keep up with the way his brain works. As I pulled into the preschool parking lot last week, Jack says, "So, Mom...what exactly IS the army of the undead? Is Uncle Jonathan [my dead brother] part of it? Does that make him a vampire or a werewolf?" He’s all casual and me...well, I’m not a morning person to begin with and I almost drove up a tree! I said that there is no such thing as the army of the undead and so Uncle Jonathan isn’t a part of it. Jack was fine with that.
Last night, the boy wakes me up at 1:45 a.m. to announce that he has a plan. Even half asleep, this put me on red alert and made me nervous b/c his plans usually involve shopping, scissors or elaborate outdoor activities. He tells me that if we bake a cake and put it on Jon’s grave, he’ll probably climb out to eat it. I asked how he got this idea; he said Looney Tunes which we don’t even watch so I’m still baffled over that one. Anyway, I told him that it was a good plan but Uncle Jonathan has to stay where he is and that he’s happy there. Then he said maybe we should try it for Gramps [my dead father]. Again, I said it wouldn’t work b/c he is with Uncle Jonathan, they are happy together and Gramps didn’t like sweets anyway. (Yes, I am a frickin’ idiot and have the brain power of a shrub under pressure.) I took him back to bed for a quick snuggle and he went right to sleep. I don’t think he is upset over any of it but he’s obviously giving it a lot of thought. We have pictures of my boys around but I don’t talk about them much for precisely this reason -- Jack is very sensitive and pretty intuitive so I don’t want him getting hung up on death or my sorrow. This doesn’t make me sad though -- if there is an afterlife and the dead can see/hear us, my damn brother is laughing his ass off at Jack’s thought process and my ridiculous answers. (He’s also probably trying to start his own army of undead.) I just don’t want my four year old obsessing over death and turning into the only goth at preschool.
I just put Jack to bed now and while I was drying him off, he told me that some guys have hair on their privates which sent him into hysterical giggles. My spidey sense went into overdrive at "guys" so I asked how he knows this. He said he saw it on Daddy and some guy. Now I’m panicking and trying to sound casual and only slightly interested when asking where he saw this guy. "In the locker room at the pool, Mom." Apparently Tom didn’t agree when I said that he should always take Jack into the family locker room which has no naked grown-ups. So, false alarm, I no longer have to attack Deacon John at preschool for exposing himself to my innocent son. Hairy penises, indeed.
Speaking of privates, he was giggling while I read his bedtime story last night and I asked what was up. He moved the blankets back and showed me that he had his hand down his pants. I seriously wanted to faint. He said, "My peanut feels cold and tickly now." I said that’s fine but something he should do in private b/c that is a personal part. Seriously, why am I being hit with all the parenting challenges in one week???
Natalie put herself to bed at 6:00 p.m. tonight. You know I’m in trouble when she’s my easy child!!!
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