Thank GOD.
No more stifling heat, staying up too late, sleeping until the baby goes back to bed for her nap, eating junk, watching more TV than the most lax pediatrician would condone.
(That's all the kids, by the way. I've picked up my own terrible habits this summer but that's another story for another time.)
The Biggies have partied like rock stars this summer. Now it's time for rehab in the form of school.
If it was actually rehab, Jack would have to be involuntarily committed. Restraints, sedation, the whole nine yards. The way he sighs and leaves the room when "back to school" commercials come on makes me want to call "Dead Man Walking!" as he shuffles morosely away.
Last year did some serious damage to my poor boy. I really, really, REALLY hope that things will turn around but I kind of doubt it. The Boy is like his mommy -- once his mind is made up, that's pretty much it for the duration. I hate that in myself and I hate it for him.
The Madam was really excited for kindergarten. I have spent the summer managing her expectations. Our conversations have gone something like this:
N: I can't wait to come home and read this book to you!
C: Oh sweetie, you are going to love school and learning to read is really exciting but it's not going to happen the first day. You won't be reading to me until after Christmas, okay?
N, unconvinced but humoring me: Okay, Mommy. *whispering to Bonnie* I'll just read it to you instead, my sweet baby.
So it was great that she was excited even though I worried about her unrealistic expectations but then...oh but then...she said those words, the ones I dread hearing:
Mommy, I'm a little shy about school.
Oh SHIT.
"A little shy" is Madam code for "frenzied, balls-out, total drama, banshee time." When she's a little shy about something, there are many tears and much pleading and begging.
That's just my reaction.
Natalie feeling a little shy usually involves both full-on body clinging where it's like she has been surgically sealed to me and the most piteous wailing you can imagine. Trust me, it would haunt your dreams at night for years to come.
It's been a long time since she was "a little shy" but I remember it like it was yesterday. Perhaps that's why it felt like my bowels turned to ice when she announced her state of mind.
What in the WHAT am I going to do if she gets "a little shy" and refuses to get on the bus? The bus driver can't peel her off me and rock her gently until she calms down like her preschool teachers did. Even if we forgo the bus and I drive her to school, nobody there is going to detach her from me and carry her into the classroom like they did at her old school.
So what the HELL am I going to do if she goes into maximum overdrive shy mode?
God save us all.
This is why I can't wait for summer to be over and for school to start. Not to get rid of the kids like some Moms want or because I can't wait to get back to a routine (although that will be very nice) like other Moms, no that's not why. I can't wait for school to start so that I can stop wondering, worrying and dreading how it's going to be.
Maybe she'll surprise me, maybe she'll be worse than ever, who knows? Certainly not me. If I've learned anything as a mother it's that past actions are not necessarily indicative of future behavior and that scares the crap out of me because I am a planner and how can I plan for the unknown?
I can't. Not possible. I can hope for the best, imagine the worst and still, I'll probably end up shocked by whatever happens.
The only guarantee is that my camera battery will be charged and I'll be going on The Second Annual Follow the Bus to School in the Minivan ride so I can see my babies jump off or get carried off, whatever the case may be, as they head into the building to start a new academic year.
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